Dorothy, Cows, and a lot of BBQ.

"Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops."
-Slaughterhouse Five

If I had to understand my life based on what kitschy items I stumbled upon in the KCI airport, I would be a very different human being indeed. Let me explain. Kansas' biggest selling points are as follows:

• Dorothy. If I lived my life based on this item, I would live like Dorothy. I would live on a farm, have a small dog, and be attacked by tornadoes every other Wednesday. My world would be black and white, (figuratively, I promise that Kansans do live in color) and I would dream of escaping to a world somewhere over the rainbow. I would be a naive simpleton, with brown hair and big blue eyes, singing away my sorrows and narrowly avoiding my crazy, bike-riding witch of a neighbor.

• Cows. So, if I constructed my life based off of this item, I would live a complete and "udder"-ly different life. (hahaha, I had to.) This shirt sets the stereotype of Kansas City, Missouri being a farmland full of cows, tractors, and hay. I would create a lifestyle based on this idea by conforming to the stereotype, and living on a farm, chewing a stick of hay out of the left side of my mouth, and rocking the denim overalls. I would own farm animals, provide for my own food by milking cows and raising chickens. I would drive a truck, and never wear shoes. I would be the Dorothy that people attribute Kansas to, even though this is ironically depicting Kansas City, Missouri. I still don't know how to explain the difference between Kansas City, Kansas and Kansas City, Missouri, and I don't think I ever will.

• Barbecue. To quote my main man, Kansas City native rapper Tech n9ne, "I'm hella fine like the food at Ollie Gates." My last item is a postcard featuring Gates' signature slogan, "Hi, may I help you?" If you've ever eaten at Gates, you'll understand the meaning of this simple sentence. The workers yell (nicely) it at you as soon as you walk in the door, and expect your response in an order form to come whipping right back. (Tech N9ne would recommend the "strawberry soda, baked beans, and mixed plate.) Now, if I constructed my life based on this item, I would have diabetes. More importantly, though, I would have a very "others" driven state of mind. I would open every conversation with this simple question, and I would live to serve, if not with a heaping slab of Kansas City's finest ribs, than maybe a helping hand, or a hug.
• 

So, thankfully I don't live my life based on the items I discovered in the KCI gift shop, or else I would be a naive little farm girl who owned cows and was a doormat for everyone she met. Thankfully I don't conform to the misconstrued stereotypes of my hometown. 

I swear Kansas City is urban, cool, hip, fun, awesome, and a great place to be from... and NO, I didn't ride a tractor to school.

I took my horse and buggy, thank you.

Only joking!